think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
