Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
