In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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