I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
