Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
