My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
