White coat. Heels.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
