oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
