woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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