Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
