i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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