Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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