My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ketchup is God's man juice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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