dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
too bad you live with your parents still
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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