he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
