I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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