If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
