i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
