when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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