i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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