my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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