Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The struggles of a small town man whore
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
