If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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