Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
