There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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