so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
