some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
