No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
