Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
