Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
