This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
