i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
