As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
