I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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