ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
