Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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