Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
