I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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