I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Quick, to the slutcave!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
