My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
