Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
