I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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