She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
