take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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