walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
