Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
