I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
