I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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