he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so let's talk penis.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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