If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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