he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
